Chocnut

(I wrote this in my other blog two years ago, a great reminder for me)


There’s this shrunken old woman who’s always stationed in front of our office building. Her hair is yellowish-white – the same color as her ancient teeth, and she wears this weary expression that makes my heart droop in pity. She’s old, yes, but she is always out there in the EDSA fog selling candies and smokes. Shouldn’t she be home, retired, and watching the latest chino-novela? Where are her children and her children’s children? Is she working to feed them? Is she vending to feed herself?

I remember reading something that says if you are poor, everything is about survival. Whether you are approaching people, or walking on the street, your main purpose in life is just to get by.

Just getting by. Getting from this day to the next day and the day after that.

I know I’m not here just to get by. I finished college. I have a job. I accumulated dreams, experiences, friends, and money because I want to suck out the marrow of life. But strip me of all these things that I have now, will I just live just so I can survive another day? Will living life to the fullest be my main purpose?

My thick, ebony hair will one day fade into gray, then to white. My shiny elastic face will be carved with wrinkles and hey, let’s face it, my boobs will sag someday. I’ll be probably as attractive as a tree trunk but when that day comes, I hope I won’t have to wear the same weary expression. I hope I have something to live for other than survival.

I bought several ‘chocnuts’ from the old lady and offer her a smile which she doesn’t return. She never looks at people’s eyes you see. I doubt if she can still see properly.